Yesterday I wrote a Facebook post that many of you probably never saw because I only had it up for one hour. I don’t try to maintain a strictly professional image on my social media but I do try to keep the truly personal at a minimum. The post was about a comment that was said to me in a conversation, that people after the age of 35 lose their chance at finding “someone.” I will leave the idea of a “someone” subjective as it can be a life partner, a spouse, a friend, a true love, the details were not discussed, but it was in relation to being with “someone” until the end, a person that will love you unconditionally.
The fact that my friend thought that age could keep this from happening blew me away. He didn’t even relate it specifically to women, he felt that the chances decreased for men too. I immediately took to Facebook to post the question and hear the opinion of the people. To my chagrin, he was not the only one to feel that way. I was shocked, although it was other men under the age of 35 that thought the age of a woman did play a big factor in making her worthy of love.
I worried that people would think I was fishing for compliments or looking for dates when I posted, and I said so as much in my post. Stating the conversation and question, I related that I was 40 years old and the single mother to 4 children that are still young, elementary school age even. Most people, men and women, near my age posted that the statement was crazy. Age didn’t matter when it came to love, and it was inner beauty that mattered. A few of the younger men did state that a ‘mature’ woman needed to bring a lot to the table in order for a man to consider her over a younger woman.
What surprised me was that no matter the positive or negative response, they all still mentioned beauty. I am not naive, I know that we are all attracted to pretty things, and the younger generation is beautiful with their good skin, tightened muscles, but when did we stop seeing beauty in those with a few years behind them? I honestly thought the world had moved past this, especially with the rate of divorce in the country, and so many people beginning again after middle age.
I don’t see myself as old, I don’t see myself as ugly nor beautiful. I don’t lack for male attention and that is both younger and older. I do worry about still having young children at home that still need to be raised so I come as a package, not just for myself. However, that is only a small concern to me as I would expect any one I bothered to spend time with already be accepting of the family life. My issue is that I want to be respected, measured as an equal, and loved for my talent and personality. To me, if you have all of those things then you are automatically beautiful in that “someone’s” eyes.
We all have a type, but if you are stuck on that. then you may just pass your soulmate by because they are NOT the right race, height, size that you think you need, and apparently age is also a part of that. I do believe that there needs to be a physical attraction but I believe that can grow by a mental connection. If there is chemistry then there is a connection that you can build off of. Love is freely given, or it should be, but it is not automatic and must be worked on, a seed that once planted must be nurtured in order to grow.
I have faith, faith that when the time is right that I will find the “someone” that will love me for me, not despite age, size, height, or color but because of them. They will see me inside out and I will do the same with them. Learn to grow together, explore, learn, challenge one another. Life is a myriad of unforeseen circumstances, that are multiple opportunities, that will bring out the best in you, if only you allow it.
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