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Category: Be Who You Are

This morning I woke up with the pull to write, to be honest, I have felt that need for the past few weeks. It shouldn’t seem so surprising for a writer, but I’ve take a step back from not only posting on my words but even free creative writing on my own. There has been a lot going personally in my life and my words were reflecting a tone that I did not want to portray.
Within the last month I am more rested, my days of recuperation nearly behind, and yet, the silent whisper of words to share was gone. The voices of characters demanding for their story to be told was non- existent, I was/am afraid that I had lost my passion for writing.
The fear grew stronger, as did my anxiety and don’t the longer it took for me to put pen to paper. I did try, but there just seemed like I had nothing to say. I certainly didn’t have anything worth anyone’s time to read. It got worse, as people begin to ask when I would write again. For some, the question was out of genuine curiosity as my site was dark, for others it was concern, knowing I am happiest when writing.
For me; Anxiousness and Self-Doubt was replaced by personal judgement and discouragement. I felt as if I was disappointing those invested in my future. I felt like a failure as a writer, and a fraud as I could no longer hear the call…. The struggle was real.
I knew the writing tips and tricks. The mantras, positive thinking, how to “Get Out” of Writers Block; but I had internalized all the negativity. I now read all other’s posts, blogs, books and convinced myself that I was wasting my time. I was never going to be as good as ‘those’ writers. I just didn’t have what it takes.
I woke this morning, thoughts invading my sleep, with a realization. My claim for AutumnBrookeOnline is to write from Heart, Mind and Soul, whatever that may be. I don’t have to be perfect, or even interesting, (although it helps). I just need to be me! Maybe I won’t have anything profoundly important to say, but if I feel it, I can write it- and in my experience, your words may touch someone; today, tomorrow, or next year; but it is “You Being You” that makes the difference. Don’t focus on all the rest and find your inner strength within, only be exactly who you are….. that is when the greatness begins!

#BetheBestVersionofYou, #InternationalWomensDay, #BeInspiredtoInspire, #AutumnBrookeOnline, #WordsofHeartMindandSoul

Letter to Heaven

Published by Autumn Brooke on May 12, 2016

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This is a different type of blog for me, but after realizing that today was the One Year Anniversary of my blog and that my first post was one for my mother, the following felt appropriate to share…..

A few months ago, I lost a mentor to a long, but courageous, fight to cancer.  Watching her journey was awe inspiring as I had always admired her but now witnessed her strength on a completely different level.  About a week ago her husband made a Facebook post about how he had taken the time to write her a Heavenly Letter as recommended by his grief counselor and how he found it extremely therapeutic.  It struck a chord within me as the anniversary of my mother’s passing was also quickly approaching.  I still have such a wide range of emotions when I think about her that I thought the idea of communicating them through not just words, but a personal letter, might be just the trick to help release some of the pent up grief, frustration, sorrow I feel when it comes to her.  I do not think that there is or should be a time limit to grief, especially as I don’t believe that it ever really ends.  I believe that we just learn how to better cope, and sometimes mask the pain until we can deal with it.  Some days are just going to be better then others and that is okay, as long as we make a point to continue living and find joy again in the world around us.

I am going to share my letter with all of you.  I think it did help a little bit as I enjoyed the feeling of talking to her, but I know that I did not fully vent all of my emotion.  I am sure that I will try the letter thing again, but maybe not anytime soon as it does bring a lot of feelings rushing back.  I’m in the process of learning how to use those vast emotions for good.  I want to help other people know that we are never fully alone, somewhere there is someone feeling just as you feel and that there is Healing within Communication.  We need to reach out and draw strength from one another.  Isn’t that essentially what Facebook and blog posts are…?  A social media site to connect with other likeminded individuals?

Dear Mom,

          This Saturday, 14 May 2016 it will be three years since you left us.  I try not to dwell on how much you are missing here on earth, but that can be easier said than done.  I am often told how you are happier in Heaven but honestly that never makes me feel better.  Actually if I am completely honest, that thought makes me a bit angry.  I don’t want you to be happier in Heaven, I want you to be here with us.  I want to talk to you, I want to see you, and I want you to be there for all the boys’ events and life milestones, no matter if they are big or small.  I hate that you left us so soon, and even more so when I know that I never got the chance to say Goodbye.  Maybe I am being selfish, but I don’t care, I think that in this situation I am allowed to be unreasonable and selfish.  I just want to have you back in my day to day life.  You used to be the first person that I called when I was upset, scared, confused, or happy.  I miss your advice, your jokes, and even your bad days.  I know that things got hard in the end and that I was often frustrated with you.  I am sorry for that, it was really never you, but the circumstances.  I know that you were just as frustrated at being trapped in a body that no longer worked as your mind did and that is my only silver lining in knowing that you are no longer in your earthly body. 

I miss you everyday mom, and I pray that you can are able to see my accomplishments and even my sorrows.  To feel that you are still present in my life and supporting me from Heaven helps.  You were always my biggest cheerleader and fan.  You were the first to teach me the concept of Unconditional Love which is the best gift you gave me in life. 

I love you and hope that I will continue to make you proud as I celebrate your life and honor you by being the very best Me that I can be! 

Forever Your Girl………..

 

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Brides Aweigh Synopsis

Published by Autumn Brooke on April 29, 2016

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I have had many people ask about the details of the novel.  Below is a brief synopsis, but there is so much more to the story I don’t believe that this description does it justice.  I chose to write this piece of historical fiction not as a love story but to share the remarkable lives of the WWII War Brides and the undeniable importance that The Queen Mary played in their journey.  The strength and resilience of all involved had a story of their own.  One deserving to be told.

Brides Aweigh

Synopsis

 Emma, like many other young British women, falls in love and marries one of the American GI’s who are stationed in her town during the course of WWII.  Her husband is shipped out and she remains at home in worry and wonder for more than a year; when a letter arrives from the Army stating that she can be reunited with her American husband.  The Queen Mary, still in military service, will ferry War Brides to the United States for the “Operation Daddy” mission.  With two other brides from her town, Emma sets sail on the biggest adventure of her life, leaving behind all she has ever known. 

Emma faces more than loneliness onboard the ship.  Self-doubt, self-recollection, and adversity force her to wonder if her husband is little more than a stranger.  Fortunately she encounters many characters on the Queen Mary who help her discover who and what she wants to be in the future.  Her traveling companions include a male War Bride, a child who is meeting an unknown American father after the death of the child’s mother, and many other women from different backgrounds and stations.  Emma encounters true tragedy for the first time in her life, as an American soldier dies just days prior to arriving on American soil, and she loses the friendship of her best friend over circumstances involving morality. 

In the end, her journey teaches her the strength to walk off the ship and become the woman she has been destined to be always.

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Mother’s are Human Too

Published by Autumn Brooke on April 22, 2016

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I have had these thoughts running through my head for a few days now and after a very vivid dream with my mother last night, I decided that it must be time for me to write it down.  I was debating on blogging because just the title mother and knowing that I am a single mom of four, makes me think no one is going to want to log in to read, imagining that this will be one more of those blogs where a mother is complaining about motherhood or bragging about her children.  I dread when those cross my path so let me begin by saying that is not my intention with this post.  I honestly don’t know how this will turn out by the end, but my blog serves to be the “words from heart, mind, and soul” so here are my thoughts.

I have been witnessing a lot of judgement surrounding mothers lately and I have been doing my best to not only stay clear of it but to not stand in judgement.  Practicing “Let those without sin cast the first stone.”  That is not to say that I am in support of some of the actions I have seen or heard rumored but as I wondered if some of the stories were true, I had to remind myself that I have had more then my fair share of “Bad Mommy” days.

We all know that being a mother is said to be the hardest, most thankless, yet most rewarding job.  Maybe that is true but I know that I do NOT feel that way when I am having a hard day.  I have wanted to send my children off or take my own self on an adult only vacation.  In these moments I know that we are not always the best parents to our children and feel that all to familiar “mother guilt” about our behavior later.

I guess what I am saying is that we all make mistakes, but once we realize them we need to seek forgiveness and challenge ourselves to do better.  For those that are on a path of redemption need not be judged but supported.  Their actions are not to be condoned, nor should we enable their behavior, hold them accountable by human morality and standards, but be prepared to cut off communication and association if they don’t find fault with in themselves.

It is our first job to protect our children and raise them to be productive members of society.  We do this by being the best ‘you’ that you can be, knowing that your being mirrored.  Let your life, your words inspire others to want to be like you.  Never quit striving to be better, just remember it is okay to falter, as long as you seek amends and do better next time.  Mother, Father, it doesn’t matter……. we are all only human.

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Loss & Gain

Published by Autumn Brooke on April 12, 2016

It has been a strange last few days for me.  So enlightening, in fact, that I have come to realize that it has been an odd last few years.  I’ve really come to think about all that I have lost and gained in the last few years as my marriage came to an end, my first home that I bought and built from the ground up was lost to me, as was my mother…. There are many more losses.  I only mention those because they are like a rite of passage as we grow up.  There are expectations placed upon us of “who” and “where” you are supposed to be by a certain age, and I followed all the rules, yet here I am, having met said goals, but losing them along the way.  It may not be so bad if people didn’t remind me all the time that I am not “getting any younger.”  Or my favorite is “you should be settled by now” like I intended to be in this position at this stage of my life.  I generally take most of it in stride, but there is always those few moments that slap us in the face that remind you that you are “FAILING” as an Adult.  Today that was TAX Day, I got to go in and file my taxes which have not been fun in the last few years, only to be reminded of where I should be, or where I was, or that maybe, next year, will be better.  Tax Preparers, People, who don’t know anything about you, but they are reading the intimate details of your financial well-being, meaning they probably know you better than some of your closest friends or family.  There is a look of judgement or sorrow as they gaze across the desk at you, hopefully doing their best to keep you from paying in on debts that never should have happened. 

It is on these days that the brave façade crumbles and maybe you cry into your wine or break down in tears as your head touches the pillow.  Or you could be me, just can’t sleep and decide to blog before the sun comes up, knowing that you have a full schedule to complete for the day and in two hours it will be time to start another day of doing the best you can.  Sometimes on these breaking days we are fortunate to have a friend to tell you that you are amazing and it will all get better.  To listen while you vent and understand that you just need someone to “hear” you.  Other times you vent only to be rebuked and judged for these “weak” moments. 

Life isn’t fair!  A statement I have heard, said, repeated a multitude of times.  I understand and respect it.  Which will bring me back to my first paragraph where I said I was evaluating my losses and my gains.  The losses hurt, I do cry like a little girl when I am overwhelmed.  I also am known to feel sorry for myself, need copious amounts of attention, and feel extremely sensitive.   This comes following a day that I am praised by a few, even my own son, the teenager, for being the strongest woman he knows, mentally and physically.  This is why I refer to loss and gain, a roller coaster of emotions in the last year especially.  As this may have been the most difficult time of my life, up to date, it has also held some of my highest moments.  Becoming a mother was amazing, but being a mother to a son that you can have a grown up conversation with and see the man you are raising, is even more amazing.  Knowing that after the onset of tears, stress, and struggle you rise up to solve the problem is a rush of gratitude and independence.  The pure joy of abandoned laughter unknown in previous years is such a blessing.  These are gains that I wouldn’t have experienced the same or as fully if it wasn’t for the pain of the losses. 

I am not unique, everyone has their own series of loss and gain, also causing their own joy and pain.  If we can come together in this and stop the judgement and condemnation we can support one another.  Maybe make that really hard day a little bit easier for someone.  I believe that most of us are doing are best, we may need some help now and again, even if just a word of encouragement.  They say “It takes a village to raise a child.”  I don’t think that stops when we are grown.  As we raise the children with the village, do we really ever stop raising ourselves?  Age is a number, I am still growing and learning every day.  I make mistakes, I may act like a child at times, but I get stronger and smarter along the way. 

 

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Dream to Reality

Published by Autumn Brooke on March 29, 2016

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Writing a novel has been the biggest accomplishment of my life, besides being the mother of four children.  I would not even mention my children in this post, but I know that if I do not that there will be numerous messages asking how do I not feel fulfilled as a mother or not see that as my life’s biggest accomplishment?  Honestly, being a mother isn’t enough for me and I don’t think that it has to be.  I loved when they were small and my days were so busy from that age old saying, “From Son Up to Son Down.”  Now they are older, they don’t need me in the same manner and that is a good thing.  I have raised strong, independent sons and they will soon move away to be strong, independent men with families of their own.  What of their mother then?  I fear the empty nest syndrome and I do not want to wonder why I failed to live up to my potential as I have always encouraged of my children, so I sat down and committed myself to starting and completing my first novel, Brides Aweigh. 

I have other blog posts where I referenced the book as I was writing it and about two weeks ago, I finished the story.  A historical fiction novel, a genre my mother always told me to write because of my love for history and reference work.  I did enjoy the process, some days more than others.  I am now in the final editing stages and search for publication. 

As would be expected I have a desire to be successful but not only for myself and my children, but because I want the story to be told.  I write because I hope that others can benefit from my words.  In this case I want the rich and fascinating story of the stately Queen Mary to be shared.  I want the world to recognize the incredibly brave journey the British WWII brides made in being reunited with their GI husbands.  Our world would not be as we know it today without these events of the past. 

Yesterday I made an author Facebook page to promote and support all of my writing.  I would appreciate all Like, Follows, and Shares.  https://www.facebook.com/autumnbrookeonline

If you have a dream, Don’t Give Up, Don’t Settle.  It is never too late to fulfill your destiny.  I know the reality of the publishing world and nothing may come of my novel, but at least I reached my first goal.  Now I have a second and I have faith in my dedication and persistence to accomplish all that I put my mind to.  Thank you for all the support my few followers have given me, in bringing my dream to a reality!

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Let your voice be heard….

Published by Autumn Brooke on March 2, 2016

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I definitely identify with this quote.  I believe it is typically the source of my “writers block.”  I can be on a roll and writing to my hearts desire when I take a break and the doubt sets in.  The “No one wants to read this” is certainly one that hits me on a daily basis, it is quickly followed by the “What makes you think that you are good enough to be a writer.”  It takes some serious soul searching and strict pep talk to get me back on task.  One of the reasons I actually have this Blog is so that I am forced to share my writing with the world.  I have to fight through my denial and understand that I won’t please everyone, and certainly can’t expect that all will be a fan or even enjoy my writing.  I have been fortunate that I have not ran in to too many critiques or negative criticism, but my blog is in no way inundated with hundreds of followers.  As my tagline reads, I write words from my heart, mind, and soul – for me this essentially means that what you read is what I am feeling at the moment.  This is not always personally related.  More often, then not it is simply because I read about a topic or know someone else that may be able to benefit from my words and I hope to reach more then one.  I understand that my blog posts are not written for the masses but for those that support me personally or the few that do enjoy my writing, or even my point of view.

I have a goal, and that goal is to be formally published.  I long to write that ‘Great American Novel’ but because I live in the “real world,” I will settle for a publisher, agent, and to have people read my book.   I stand firm in the belief that even the unlikely is possible.  I will always believe that those that follow their dreams are braver than most.  So, how do I relate a writing post to those few that bother to read my blog, I think that we all have that inner voice.  That doubtful inner voice that makes us doubt ourselves forcing us to give up on our dreams.  Don’t let that happen to you!  You can do whatever you set your mind to do, and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.  We all have a story to tell, I will support you as you  tell yours, whatever it may be.  Everyone has a purpose and only you know what your purpose is in this world.

#standstrong, #livelikeyoumeanit, #beinspiredtoinspire, #letyourvoicebeheard

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Illusional Perspective

Published by Autumn Brooke on February 12, 2016

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We interpret the world between shadow and color, an imperfect view of the world based on past experience, proven true only by the illusion of art.  When we view an image we tend to lose the reality of the picture, because our previous experience has taught us that what we see is false.  However, that viewpoint is mistaken; our brain makes assumptions based on features of our previous environment.  If we mentally over compensate for illusions our eyes see, then what are the options for our future?  Our perspective is so skewed that we start to determine within ourselves a non-existent reality. Essentially, we have not only created a non-reality, but we are tormented by invisible drama that is based upon irrational compensation.  We are a product of our environment.  We determine our path of destination.  Our mental mindset and vision of peace is our own.  So, go and make your own happiness; the viewpoint is all within your own perspective. 

Make it Your’s!

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Superbowl 50

Published by Autumn Brooke on February 9, 2016

how-to-watch-super-bowl-headI watched the Superbowl yesterday for many reasons.  One being that I’m a NinerGirl and it was held in our stadium, I take pride in all that relates to my team.  I also made it an ever because it was Superbowl 50 and that will never happen again. It was a historic event,  a moment in history that my children will remember.  When Superbowl 75 comes around my adult children will recollect what they did for Superbowl 50 and although they were not fully into the game, they will remember the company, the food, the experience of the day.  I don’t expect that they will be the diehard football fan their mother is, but I encourage it and they will atleast be educated in the rules of the game.

I see a correlation between the players as a team, as opponents with that of friends and family.  As a single mom with four sons, we have to work together as a team to make it through our days.  Chores are shared, everyone has a job to do but it works better when we are in sync because one person cannot carry the team alone.  This is true in their sibling relationships as well.  They stand stronger when they know they can rely on one another.  Learning this in a family dynamic, they can take it and apply it to their outside friendships too.  They have had to learn that on occasion someone makes a mistake and there is a flag on the play.  This penalty can be costly and there are consequences. It can be easy to want to give up and walk away, but that affects the team.  The best choice is to accept the call and play on, unless you can throw a challenge flag.  This doesn’t always work, but each situation is different and should be evaluated for fairness. I think that we often jump to conclusions, feelings get hurt, people get defensive and nothing is solved.  If we communicate as teammates, we can work through difficult encounters and maybe even turn them into positive learning lessons.

For what it’s worth, I enjoyed the game. I was surprised by the performance of the Panthers after their unbeatable success all season,  but that is part of the reason I love football. Anything can happen and it’s never really over until it’s over!

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Love over 35

Published by Autumn Brooke on February 2, 2016

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Yesterday I wrote a Facebook post that many of you probably never saw because I only had it up for one hour.  I don’t try to maintain a strictly professional image on my social media but I do try to keep the truly personal at a minimum.  The post was about a comment that was said to me in a conversation,  that people after the age of 35 lose their chance at finding “someone.”  I will leave the idea of a “someone” subjective as it can be a life partner, a spouse, a friend, a true love, the details were not discussed, but it was in relation to being with “someone” until the end, a person that will love you unconditionally.

The fact that my friend thought that age could keep this from happening blew me away.  He didn’t even relate it specifically to women, he felt that the chances decreased for men too.  I immediately took to Facebook to post the question and hear the opinion of the people.  To my chagrin, he was not the only one to feel that way.  I was shocked, although it was other men under the age of 35 that thought the age of a woman did play a big factor in making her worthy of love.

I worried that people would think I was fishing for compliments or looking for dates when I posted, and I said so as much in my post.  Stating the conversation and question, I related that I was 40 years old and the single mother to 4 children that are still young, elementary school age even.  Most people, men and women, near my age posted that the statement was crazy.  Age didn’t matter when it came to love, and it was inner beauty that mattered.  A few of the younger men did state that a ‘mature’ woman needed to bring a lot to the table in order for a man to consider her over a younger woman.

What surprised me was that no matter the positive or negative response, they all still mentioned beauty.  I am not naive, I know that we are all attracted to pretty things, and the younger generation is beautiful with their good skin, tightened muscles, but when did we stop seeing beauty in those with a few years behind them?  I honestly thought the world had moved past this, especially with the rate of divorce in the country, and so many people beginning again after middle age.

I don’t see myself as old, I don’t see myself as ugly nor beautiful.  I don’t lack for male attention and that is both younger and older.  I do worry about still having young children at home that still need to be raised so I come as a package, not just for myself.  However, that is only a small concern to me as I would expect any one I bothered to spend time with already be accepting of the family life.  My issue is that I want to be respected, measured as an equal, and loved for my talent and personality.  To me, if you have all of those things then you are automatically beautiful in that “someone’s” eyes.

We all have a type, but if you are stuck on that. then you may just pass your soulmate by because they are NOT the right race, height, size that you think you need, and apparently age is also a part of that.  I do believe that there needs to be a physical attraction but I believe that can grow by a mental connection.  If there is chemistry then there is a connection that you can build off of.  Love is freely given, or it should be, but it is not automatic and must be worked on, a seed that once planted must be nurtured in order to grow.

I have faith, faith that when the time is right that I will find the “someone” that will love me for me, not despite age, size, height, or color but because of them.  They will see me inside out and I will do the same with them.  Learn to grow together, explore, learn, challenge one another.  Life is a myriad of unforeseen circumstances, that are multiple opportunities, that will bring out the best in you, if only you allow it.

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The Novel – Brides Aweigh

Published by Autumn Brooke on January 28, 2016
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Mock Up Cover

 

I have shared with a few of you and made mention of the novel that I have been diligently working on for the past year.  I am in the end stages as I do some rewrites and editing, but I have fallen in love with a Mock Up Cover that was made for me by my business partner, Gabriel Alvarez, and wanted to share it publicly.  I know that it is a good possibility that the cover will be changed and it is extremely possible that I may not find a publisher for this work of love, but none the less I will have completed my first novel and that will serve to remind me that “I can do it.”  This book has weighed heavily on my heart and mind as I was determined to share the historic facts of this heroing tale.  There is so much to be learned on events from our past and the history behind the feats of the Queen Mary, the gallantry of the soldiers, the patriotism of the Red Cross, and the determination of the WWII War Brides.  There was a story that continued to plague my thoughts until I put pen to paper and let the characters speak for themselves.  The story is fictional but based on events that I have thoroughly researched.  I have spent hours reading and note taking to make sure that my historical facts were accurate.  It is important to me that although not written as a documentary, my readers are still given the authentic details of the time and place.  I will continue in my dedication to hopefully see this novel printed and share the journey with all of you.  

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