This is a different type of blog for me, but after realizing that today was the One Year Anniversary of my blog and that my first post was one for my mother, the following felt appropriate to share…..
A few months ago, I lost a mentor to a long, but courageous, fight to cancer. Watching her journey was awe inspiring as I had always admired her but now witnessed her strength on a completely different level. About a week ago her husband made a Facebook post about how he had taken the time to write her a Heavenly Letter as recommended by his grief counselor and how he found it extremely therapeutic. It struck a chord within me as the anniversary of my mother’s passing was also quickly approaching. I still have such a wide range of emotions when I think about her that I thought the idea of communicating them through not just words, but a personal letter, might be just the trick to help release some of the pent up grief, frustration, sorrow I feel when it comes to her. I do not think that there is or should be a time limit to grief, especially as I don’t believe that it ever really ends. I believe that we just learn how to better cope, and sometimes mask the pain until we can deal with it. Some days are just going to be better then others and that is okay, as long as we make a point to continue living and find joy again in the world around us.
I am going to share my letter with all of you. I think it did help a little bit as I enjoyed the feeling of talking to her, but I know that I did not fully vent all of my emotion. I am sure that I will try the letter thing again, but maybe not anytime soon as it does bring a lot of feelings rushing back. I’m in the process of learning how to use those vast emotions for good. I want to help other people know that we are never fully alone, somewhere there is someone feeling just as you feel and that there is Healing within Communication. We need to reach out and draw strength from one another. Isn’t that essentially what Facebook and blog posts are…? A social media site to connect with other likeminded individuals?
Dear Mom,
This Saturday, 14 May 2016 it will be three years since you left us. I try not to dwell on how much you are missing here on earth, but that can be easier said than done. I am often told how you are happier in Heaven but honestly that never makes me feel better. Actually if I am completely honest, that thought makes me a bit angry. I don’t want you to be happier in Heaven, I want you to be here with us. I want to talk to you, I want to see you, and I want you to be there for all the boys’ events and life milestones, no matter if they are big or small. I hate that you left us so soon, and even more so when I know that I never got the chance to say Goodbye. Maybe I am being selfish, but I don’t care, I think that in this situation I am allowed to be unreasonable and selfish. I just want to have you back in my day to day life. You used to be the first person that I called when I was upset, scared, confused, or happy. I miss your advice, your jokes, and even your bad days. I know that things got hard in the end and that I was often frustrated with you. I am sorry for that, it was really never you, but the circumstances. I know that you were just as frustrated at being trapped in a body that no longer worked as your mind did and that is my only silver lining in knowing that you are no longer in your earthly body.
I miss you everyday mom, and I pray that you can are able to see my accomplishments and even my sorrows. To feel that you are still present in my life and supporting me from Heaven helps. You were always my biggest cheerleader and fan. You were the first to teach me the concept of Unconditional Love which is the best gift you gave me in life.
I love you and hope that I will continue to make you proud as I celebrate your life and honor you by being the very best Me that I can be!
Forever Your Girl………..
I love your attitude on not setting a time for grieving. This crap is hard and I often wonder if it ever gets any better. It will be 12 years in September since I lost my own mother. She missed watching me to be first in my family graduate from college, she missed meeting my forever patient husband, and most of all she missed my incredible, wild and perfect son. Thanks for the idea of actually writing it down to help!
Thank You for commenting Whitney. I am sorry for your loss and I don’t know if it will ever become easier as the loss will always be there, but maybe we just learn to handle the heartache better. I know that on special occasions or milestones, I definitely miss my mother more. Please let me know if you do choose to write your letter and if it brings some solace. If you read through, you may find other blogs that I have written about my mother some in sadness, some in joy… maybe they too, will speak to you.
It’s been 18 days since I lost my mother and I was on google looking up how to communicate after they have passed and your column came up. I am heartbroken. Your letter is if I had written it myself word for word, as she too was losing all function in her body, but her mind was intact. She too left too soon, as we thought we had another year or two. I didn’t get to say good bye. The only difference in what you wrote is instead of boys, it would be my daughter! Just when you think you are all alone and no one else knows how you feel, something like this comes up!! Thank you for your post……
I lost my mom to cancer 6months ago. Being an only child it has been extremely hard. I feel so alone and I don’t know how to be anything else. I stumbled upon this post because I’ve really been trying to have conversations with someone with similar experience. This post reminded me of some good memories of hers. Thank you!
I am so sorry to hear about your mother. Thank you for reaching out, I truly hope that my words let you know that you aren’t alone.