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Our Own Worst Critic

Published by Autumn Brooke on March 17, 2017

I have become a fan of the show Z: The Beginning of Everything, a biography based series about the life of Zelda Fitzgerald.  (Season 1 is available on Amazon)  Recently I watched an episode where after receiving a negative review, F. Scott Fitzgerald is told by the critic, “Don’t take it so personal, I was reviewing your book, not you.”  As a writer, I felt stabbed in the heart when I heard those words, only thinking to myself how impossible it was to not take a review personal.  How ignorant the critic was to not know that most writers, most artists, pour themselves heart and soul into their work.  It is often difficult to separate one from the other.   On my Author Facebook page I even write that “I strongly believe that when you know an author, that you have a deeper understanding of their words and the meaning behind them.”  This is because somewhere even if it is in the depths of the unsaid, there is a part of the author within the words.

I felt plagued by this scene for a few days, but I know that I tend to be overly sensitive so I did my best to let it go. Until I felt the same stab to the heart in a scene of, my now favorite show on TV, This is Us.  (Seriously, if you haven’t seen this show, please do.  The extraordinary writing is only made greater by the amazing chemistry between the cast members.  I can’t get enough of it, honestly considered writing a blog just to sing their praises!)

 But, back to the point of today’s actual blog…..  There was a scene where the acting brother seeks a top critic to review a play that he is starring in and producing, only to be told that the critic considered showing up to witness the disaster of a sitcom TV actor trying to cross over into the drama of play acting.   The statement was so callous and mean, and most of all unnecessary.  There was another scene in this same show, this past week, where the mother is trying to break into becoming a professional singer.  Her friends are supportive of her “Singing Thing,” but think it would be wise that she keep her options open since the percentage of “Making It Big” are so slim and not everyone can live by pursuing their dream.

Yes, I know that her friends were just being realistic and Yes, I know that it is the job of a Critic to be critical.  It is a harsh business and why it is said that the most important thing is to develop a tough skin or you will never make it.  I guess, I just want to say that although some reviews are negative, they are helpful when given as constructive criticism.  And to the friends that are really only trying to be helpful with their sage advice, remember that there is a reason most artists choose to suffer or go without when pursuing their dream….. they can’t not at least TRY!  Knowing that if you fail, you did so having given your best shot and hopefully having fun along the way.

So, the next time that you are judging the work of a creative just try to remember that an Artist is usually their own worst critic, so Be Kind.  It is not only a writing, or picture, or performance but it is most likely a piece of their Heart!

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Adulting

Published by Autumn Brooke on March 9, 2017

TOP DEFINITION: URBAN DICTIONARY
Adulting
Adulting (v): to do grown up things and hold responsibilities such as, a 9-5 job, a mortgage/rent, a car payment, or anything else that makes one think of grown ups.
Used in a sentence: Jane is adulting quite well today as she is on time for work promptly at 8am and appears well groomed.
#adulting #responsible #responsibilities #bills #grown up
… And this would be why there are so many different meme’s with quotes of “I can’t Adult today,” “Adulting is Hard, Send Wine,” the positive meme to motivate “Adulting like a Boss,” and my personal favorite, “I’m Done Adulting, Let’s be Mermaids,” plus 100’s more.  Which I find ironic being that “Adulting” is not even a recognized word, grammatically unless you are a millennial and upon research is yet to even be established as a noun or a verb.
However, I relate to the context and like the term, so this is the theme for my blog of the week.  I could write for days about the responsibilities of being an Adult, or Parent, or a Single Parent  but we ‘already know’ so no reason to go there.  I am, instead, going to go a little bit deeper and talk about those times when you have to make a Choice; the really Big Kind, like Life Altering Kind!  The worst part about it is, since you are the adult, the parent, your ‘choice’ now affects all of those within your circle.
I have basically grown up in the military or with enough family support around me that My decisions were still Never really My Own.  I am now in a position in my life where I actually Am the Adult.  This means that what I choose is ‘Make or Break,.’ If my choice is wrong, it is ultimately up to me to Fix it.  Obviously as  a single mother of 4, we have had some big decisions along the way…..  I am just now being presented with one of those “once in a lifetime” kinda options.  I can follow my dream and jump in with both feet and hope that I catch the wave or at least swim in the current, knowing that there is no life boat in sight.  Or I tread, barely keeping my head above water…… waiting for another life preserver that may never come.
The Motherly part of me says to stay put, where I am familiar and safe, but the Adult side says that if I stay put, never to follow my destiny, I am already treading water and I have to agree…….. it goes fully against my nature to not follow my instincts.  I am a great mother, and I can say this with humility because my son’s are amazing, each in their own right but it is because of them that I know I can trust myself to do what is right and not second guess my decisions.
Adulting is difficult, more so, when you are responsible for more than yourself, but trust your heart, your dream, your destiny and don’t let go of your chance to make it.
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YOU set the Limits

Published by Autumn Brooke on February 23, 2017

Yesterday I shared my first video of myself across social media.  It was meant to be a Live video as that seems to be what is trending, but I could not bring myself to “yet” make that leap.  I, instead, sat alone in my room and recorded a minute long video of myself.  It was simple, I asked people that Follow Autumn Brooke on Facebook to also Follow my Author Page at AutumnBrookeOnline.  However, this simple one minute recording took me all day to work up the courage to film and then at least 30 minutes behind a locked door as I deleted every video I took.  I knew that I was being ridiculous in my critiques and would never be satisfied.  To be honest, I am not even sure that the posted video is because I finally gave up, or the boys were repeatedly knocking on the door with the ever so familiar “Mom, Mom….. are you okay? Why is the door locked? I’m hungry! Mom, my brother hit me!”  It doesn’t matter what made me stop recording; the point was, I did it.  Yes, it took me two days to then work up the nerve to post it, but I did that too and all of it was totally outside of my comfort zone and that is what matters.  You have heard it said that “your life begins outside of your comfort zone” “the magic happens outside of your comfort zone”  ect, ect…..  The list goes on and on and that’s because it is probably true.  Talking on a recording was a big deal for me.  I have tried it many times before, even in a professional atmosphere, but it has yet to get easier, but I continue to try and will keep making that effort.  Why?  Not because the few viewings went viral or made me instantly famous, (which is not my goal) but I do want to be successful enough in my writing and the selling of the novel, and feature film adaptation that I need to put myself out there.  I need to feel comfortable with being on camera or talking about myself.  My favorite place to be is settled on my sofa, in a pair of yoga pants, tank top, and most likely a glass of wine nearby…. but that comfort zone is not going to find me the success that I desire.  I am the only one that makes myself feel nervous, and I am the only one that can tell myself to get up off the couch and reach for the stars.  It is all up to me to make my dreams a reality and achieve my goals.  I know that my story is meant to be told, read, and shared, but that only happens if I make it happen.  I was Active Duty Air Force for a few years in my early 20’s and it really made an impact in who I am today.  One of the most important lessons I took away was how many people told me that I was not Military material or would be able to handle Basic Training, I learned to not only Rise to the Challenge but surpass all expectations, and excel in whatever I do.  I’ve continued to live by that philosophy in all aspects of my life, but am only now realizing that I need to do the same within the boundaries that “I” put on myself.  The future is limitless, and so is your destiny.

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Manifest Your Dreams Into Reality

Published by Autumn Brooke on February 16, 2017

 

Is this Fact or Fiction….  That is the Question?  I post a lot about Inspiration and Motivation, as I do believe that We Reap what We Sow.  I also think that it is important to keep positive influences in your life to maintain a healthy attitude, this means all that you encounter on a daily basis from people, to music, and movies.  Outside attractions affect how we speak and how we think so it is important to me to do my best to hold myself accountable as a positive role model for my children by how I behave.  A few days ago I was reviewing a Travel Blog and it said to put up a picture of your dream destination to visit or live.  Intrigued as I had just finished fantasizing about taking a Costco Vacation after flipping through their travel brochure, I read further in the blog……. it was recommended to not just post up a picture to admire, but to actually close your eyes and imagine yourself there, to take a step further and look up the cost of tickets and choose a date on the calendar that you would travel.  I was no longer interested in continuing in my reading of this travel blog, because I did not like the idea of making plans that I could never keep.  At least not at this stage of my life.  I moved on with my day, but did keep the Costco Travel Picture.  Then today I (accidentally) found myself listening to a Pod Cast that ended up being a Motivational Speaker that said “Close Your Eyes and Manifest Your Dreams Into Reality” and I am pretty sure I may have rolled my eyes, instead of closing them.  Who did they think that I was…..  Dorthy from the Wizard of OZ?   I was beginning to think that I just needed to find a pair of sparkling red magic shoes and I could click my heels three times and go wherever my heart desired.

I spent my afternoon struggling with this concept.  I felt like I was not accomplishing my daily pursuit of achieving my dreams.  I was lacking in my abilities to be a product of my thoughts, I was failing to Believe in my Dream.  I had to re-evaluate.  But wait….  what was I going to re-evaluate?  I knew exactly what I was doing, and where I was going.  I had made a goal, that was a journey, but as long as I kept moving forward and didn’t let anything hold me back then I was going to accomplish my goal.  I am so close now, I can almost taste it.  My goal for my life, may or may not allow my dream vacation but that will just mean that I need to set a new goal and I am okay with that fact.  I do believe in manifestation, and that you first have to have the willingness and desire if you wish to change your life, but I also believe that all people are different.   I am not a person that needs a physical dream board, and I am so analytical that I am overly practical, which is why I rolled my eyes at closing my eyes or making up a ‘fake vacation package.’  However, these tactics work great for other people and that is great.  This great realization brought up another concept that I needed to evaluate, that of changing your dream or goal because of life circumstance.  As we grow and adapt to new responsibilities sometimes our dreams change or take longer for us to achieve, but that doesn’t stop the Dream or the Belief.  The important thing to remember is to Believe in Yourself, Believe in the Impossible.

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Puddle Play

Published by Autumn Brooke on February 9, 2017

“Life is like a puddle~ you can stand on the edge and watch the reflection of what is…. Or you can jump in and create a wave.”  (Kristine Peterson)

I read this quote and instantly fell in love.  It resonated throughout my whole being as I realized that this was the reason that just last week, I stopped everything and took myself outside with the boys.  There was finally a break in the rain that had left an ocean of puddles.  The boys asked if they could jump in them and I said, “of course”!  An earlier blog mentions how I often allow, encourage, my children to find that childhood joy only found by playing in the puddles.  It was just after 4:30pm on Friday, I poured a glass of wine and sat in the front watching the smiles and listening to their laughter.  The street, busier than usual, as neighbors were driving home from work, grinning and waving as they saw the boys.  I remember wondering how many of them remembered the days they too had played in the rain.

That thought led me to question why we stop seeing the puddle as an opportunity but as an obstacle.  I had recently become this person.  This past week had been more trying then most, filled with a multitude of spirit breaking trials.  (Why there was No Wednesday Blog last week)  Our oven blew a coil and I had to wait a week for a replacement.  Then a valve broke that shut the water off for 48 hours.  Living without was more difficult than I could have ever imagined.  It was one thing after another for so many days that I was ready to blow my own fuse.  Then the benefit of social media let me read a post.  Gratefully not a political rant, but one of blessing, as a Facebook friend was grateful that they had made it home safe to kiss their children after barely avoiding a most likely fatal accident.  I took pause, thinking how my difficult week was not even near the tragedy that others may have faced.

It is important to always remember to count your blessings and be grateful that if there is a puddle as an obstacle on your path, keep moving forward.  If the puddle is too big to step around then use that opportunity to leap in and make a wave.

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Still Waters Run Deep

Published by Autumn Brooke on January 26, 2017

“Don’t Judge a Book by Its Cover”, “More than Meets the Eye”, “Never Assume”, we can go on and on with platitudes about not judging everything at face value, but most of us still do it.  We are so self-involved anymore that we never look past the surface, making split decisions about a person and their character.  What happened to the benefit of the doubt?  What happened to actually taking the time to get to know someone?  I can’t blame the social media, in some ways I think that we can often learn more than we want about a person because of their openness or stupidity of what they post to the public.  I honestly believe that it is more related to our own self-indulgence about ourselves.  Do we want to take the time to get involved with the Who and Why that person acts or thinks a certain way?  Probably not.  We ignore the signs, close down the opportunity and let that person retreat back into the safe identity that we have pigeon holed them into.  In many ways, this could be why there is so much cyber bullying, which is not where I was going with this spiel, but it makes sense.  If a person is relentlessly teased about an oddity they will hide within themselves, afraid to defend or explain.  It becomes too much for another to seek out the reason for the ridicule, the concept of “getting to know someone” is so foreign a task that it is no longer second nature.  If someone does try to really develop a deeper friendship or understanding of who you are, do you not feel that they are too intrusive, almost rude?  Accusations of being bold, forward, even dauntless in their pursuit to get to know you.

It is time to open ourselves up to let others in a little more, and it is definitely time to seek a deeper connection to other people in our lives.  The Why is simple….  It is because if we don’t, it may be too late.  What is your impact in the world?  Have you made a difference?  How will you be remembered?  Let people see your true colors, the inner beauty that makes you so unique.  Use the reflection of their interest in your life to shine past the dark waters to the depth of your soul.  The light will pass as inspiration to others for eternity, never to be dim again.

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Love Trumps Hate

Published by Autumn Brooke on January 21, 2017

Let me begin by saying this is NOT a political post despite the way that it looks.  The Inauguration is just the topic of the day, no matter where you look.  My children even came home from school having watched it for an hour or two in their classrooms.  I thought about what I might discuss with them about such an important day in history but unsure of my standpoint on a political level.  My social news feed was crowded with videos of RIOTS for those that were against our new President mostly due to issues on RACE.  This was not a topic I wanted around our dinner table.  What would I say?  These people have a RIGHT to their opinion and to let their voice be heard, but they are wrong to RIOT and cause violence all because of RESENTMENT, RETALIATION, and RETRIBUTION.  These R’s are what seem to be the REASON for so much anger and animosity in our world, not just in regard to politics, but in many areas of our life.  The world seems to be full of people not choosing to forgive, understand, or accept change.  And that is really what it is all about.  CHANGE!  A difficult word for most, certainly hard to accept if one does not initiate it for themselves because it means an unwanted change in circumstance. I teach my children that acceptance is key.  We cannot always get what we want in this life and the sooner we learn to live with it the better.  So, LOVE TRUMPS HATE…. that is the statement of the Day.  It is everywhere today and on both sides.  It is True, as most would choose Love over Hate, my Grandma would say “You can catch more flies with honey, then with vinegar”.  Now I know what I will talk about at the dinner table tonight, as I do not want to raise my children to have serious Entitlement Issues.  What the Military taught me, what they have been teaching for years.  Actually, I think it has just become old school, somewhere along the way we got too soft.    My words for my kids, in any walk of life…. when you cannot change the situation and are forced to accept it, Just Grow Up and Get Over It!

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Parents Need a Time Out

Published by Autumn Brooke on January 19, 2017

I overwhelmed myself today as I contemplated what I should blog about.  The possibilities were endless and it was hard for me to focus on one topic long enough to wrap my head around a central idea, that’s when it hit me….. I was just complaining to a friend of mine about my lack of focus about life in general.  I came home yesterday after retrieving kids from school and was just lost in a state of melancholy.  It was so noticeable that my oldest son even asked what was wrong, but I had no true answer for him.  I wasn’t sad, nor grumpy, I just was and couldn’t shake it.  As the night continued with the regular daily motherly chores of checking homework, laundry, and dinner; I did my best to not share my mood.  However, as I served myself last of a painstakingly long and in-depth dinner, I took my first bite to find it delicious but already cold.  I warmed up my plate but it was too late.  I just couldn’t eat.  I realized why I was so out of sorts and knew that it was no ones fault but my own.  Mommy needed a Time Out!

Yes, as parents one of the first and most common pieces of advice that you here is “Take time for yourself.”  “Don’t feel guilty about needing a break from your kids.”  “Me Time will essentially make you a better parent to your child.”  All True!  I had just let life get so busy and complicated that I had not scheduled that all important Time Out.  I had the wine, the longer shower, even the piece of chocolate while watching a new Prime TV series, all things that help me decompress and re-energize, but not this time.  I still felt off.

It was not until the conversation with a friend that we realized together what was missing…… I needed GROWN UP time.  For me this equates to No Children present and actual adult conversation.  This means that I had to actually go out and socialize with other adults.  Being a single mom to 4 and making my living as a writer, I don’t tend to interact in the real world as often as I should and I was seriously lacking in the Fun department.

I am betting that we are all guilty of this far too often and I am here to say “Stop whatever you are doing and make a plan to make a date with your significant other or a group of friends.”  Don’t let yourself become so busy that you miss out on your life too.  One day these little people that control our whole world will be grown and gone.  So busy with their friends that they will forget to call home and you will have lost contact with  your own friends.  We need adult interaction, we need to connect with those people in our lives that keep us sane and give us joy.  It doesn’t need to be long or expensive, just a cup of coffee or walk will do.  Time to talk, engage with no social media or distractions, time to focus on all or nothing.  And, if like me, you took that time to feel better about yourself then repay the favor by finding another parent that may need help with child care so they too can take their Parent Time Out!  We are all in this together and we need to support each other in this most important mission of our life…. Parenting!

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Butterfly Beauty

Published by Autumn Brooke on January 12, 2017

Butterfly Beauty….. Delicate Strength….. These are the words that surround this post.  What isn’t there to love about a butterfly?  They flutter with an almost majestic presence yet are silent in nature.  It is their unassuming existence that actually catches your attention before one sees the glorious coloring of their wings.  Even those without bright color have a depth of shading that is beautiful in its own right.  Yet, upon further investigation these wings may appear nearly translucent by the sun, showing the intricate details of their delicate exoskeleton.  It is the realization that these creatures have an undeniable strength within themselves that makes them so undeniably breathtaking.

Upon even further study, it is not only that a butterfly can fly up to 3,000 miles to reach their destination with little rest, or that their life spans are short, only serving as a mating process to release more butterflies to the earth but their journey in this process that fascinates me.  They live in a series of 4 life cycles, gaining strength throughout each phase.  From a human perspective it should be noted that these life phases are all completed alone, total isolation after emerging from their egg.

Locked in a chrysalis, surrounded by total darkness, a butterfly must use their wings to set themselves free by breaking the barrier that held them within a self-made prison.  Their wings are crumpled and wet once emerged but the struggle served to strengthen their wings, preparing them for flight.  At times a witness may have observed the struggle of the butterfly.  The desperation apparent as the butterfly worked its way through, but had they stepped up to help the butterfly, they would have only weakened its wings.

So… in reflection of the strength in the delicate beauty that encompasses a butterfly we learn that their power comes from the fight that they are forced to face alone on their personal life journey.  They encounter more in their life then most of us can even imagine but they overcome in a feat of pure courage, to grace the world with their beauty and strength.  I leave you with the words of Ralph Waldo Emerson; “Believe in yourself, our strength grows out of our weakness.”

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Dedication, Consistency, Restoration

Published by Autumn Brooke on January 5, 2017

Happy 2017!  I have never been a fan of New Year’s Resolutions, choosing instead to constantly push myself towards the positive which ultimately means changes occur within my life all year long.  One of those, I am dedicating to the New Year and that is stated within the above picture.  I am committing myself to posting a new blog each and every Wednesday.  This may not seem like much of a challenge to many of you, but I posted in July of 2015, titled Worst Blogger Ever, because I recognized that consistently writing on the blog is difficult for me.  It is not that I don’t write, or have anything to say, it is simply taking the time to make it worthy for my readers.  I struggle with knowing that the content that I put out is intriguing enough to be shared.  

I made a personal choice this Holiday Season as I sat down and evaluated what changes I need to make within my personal and business life so that I truly can #BeInspiredToInspire.  I realized that I was finding myself in a rut.  I have been focused on the novel, turn screenplay, Brides Aweigh and in order not to distract myself from this unbelievable opportunity, I’ve stepped back from a lot of my free writing and I believe that this has unfortunately separated me from my blog.  However, that is not good for me, nor my followers.  It disconnects me not only from my readers but also from myself.  

Writing for me is my way of finding ME Time in the midst of being a Full Time Single Mother of 4 Beautifully Busy Boys.  I have adult conversations by sharing my blog with the world even if it is only for a few minutes a day and I owe it to myself to stay Dedicated and Consistent in order to Restore myself to remaining AutumnBrookeOnline.  I was inspired to start up this blog on the continued request of my mother.  She told me repeatedly that my life was full of enough fodder to maintain a blog and it wasn’t about the content as long as I was writing.  So, with that being said and by sharing this post, I am dedicating myself to all of you and me too.  I will trust that you will hold me accountable by checking in every Wednesday to see if I have indeed succeeded in Sharing My Words; Heart, Mind, & Soul with all of you.  Here is the First for this Weds of our New Year…….

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