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Tag: #changingforthebetter

Parents Need a Time Out

Published by Autumn Brooke on January 19, 2017

I overwhelmed myself today as I contemplated what I should blog about.  The possibilities were endless and it was hard for me to focus on one topic long enough to wrap my head around a central idea, that’s when it hit me….. I was just complaining to a friend of mine about my lack of focus about life in general.  I came home yesterday after retrieving kids from school and was just lost in a state of melancholy.  It was so noticeable that my oldest son even asked what was wrong, but I had no true answer for him.  I wasn’t sad, nor grumpy, I just was and couldn’t shake it.  As the night continued with the regular daily motherly chores of checking homework, laundry, and dinner; I did my best to not share my mood.  However, as I served myself last of a painstakingly long and in-depth dinner, I took my first bite to find it delicious but already cold.  I warmed up my plate but it was too late.  I just couldn’t eat.  I realized why I was so out of sorts and knew that it was no ones fault but my own.  Mommy needed a Time Out!

Yes, as parents one of the first and most common pieces of advice that you here is “Take time for yourself.”  “Don’t feel guilty about needing a break from your kids.”  “Me Time will essentially make you a better parent to your child.”  All True!  I had just let life get so busy and complicated that I had not scheduled that all important Time Out.  I had the wine, the longer shower, even the piece of chocolate while watching a new Prime TV series, all things that help me decompress and re-energize, but not this time.  I still felt off.

It was not until the conversation with a friend that we realized together what was missing…… I needed GROWN UP time.  For me this equates to No Children present and actual adult conversation.  This means that I had to actually go out and socialize with other adults.  Being a single mom to 4 and making my living as a writer, I don’t tend to interact in the real world as often as I should and I was seriously lacking in the Fun department.

I am betting that we are all guilty of this far too often and I am here to say “Stop whatever you are doing and make a plan to make a date with your significant other or a group of friends.”  Don’t let yourself become so busy that you miss out on your life too.  One day these little people that control our whole world will be grown and gone.  So busy with their friends that they will forget to call home and you will have lost contact with  your own friends.  We need adult interaction, we need to connect with those people in our lives that keep us sane and give us joy.  It doesn’t need to be long or expensive, just a cup of coffee or walk will do.  Time to talk, engage with no social media or distractions, time to focus on all or nothing.  And, if like me, you took that time to feel better about yourself then repay the favor by finding another parent that may need help with child care so they too can take their Parent Time Out!  We are all in this together and we need to support each other in this most important mission of our life…. Parenting!

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Butterfly Beauty

Published by Autumn Brooke on January 12, 2017

Butterfly Beauty….. Delicate Strength….. These are the words that surround this post.  What isn’t there to love about a butterfly?  They flutter with an almost majestic presence yet are silent in nature.  It is their unassuming existence that actually catches your attention before one sees the glorious coloring of their wings.  Even those without bright color have a depth of shading that is beautiful in its own right.  Yet, upon further investigation these wings may appear nearly translucent by the sun, showing the intricate details of their delicate exoskeleton.  It is the realization that these creatures have an undeniable strength within themselves that makes them so undeniably breathtaking.

Upon even further study, it is not only that a butterfly can fly up to 3,000 miles to reach their destination with little rest, or that their life spans are short, only serving as a mating process to release more butterflies to the earth but their journey in this process that fascinates me.  They live in a series of 4 life cycles, gaining strength throughout each phase.  From a human perspective it should be noted that these life phases are all completed alone, total isolation after emerging from their egg.

Locked in a chrysalis, surrounded by total darkness, a butterfly must use their wings to set themselves free by breaking the barrier that held them within a self-made prison.  Their wings are crumpled and wet once emerged but the struggle served to strengthen their wings, preparing them for flight.  At times a witness may have observed the struggle of the butterfly.  The desperation apparent as the butterfly worked its way through, but had they stepped up to help the butterfly, they would have only weakened its wings.

So… in reflection of the strength in the delicate beauty that encompasses a butterfly we learn that their power comes from the fight that they are forced to face alone on their personal life journey.  They encounter more in their life then most of us can even imagine but they overcome in a feat of pure courage, to grace the world with their beauty and strength.  I leave you with the words of Ralph Waldo Emerson; “Believe in yourself, our strength grows out of our weakness.”

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Dedication, Consistency, Restoration

Published by Autumn Brooke on January 5, 2017

Happy 2017!  I have never been a fan of New Year’s Resolutions, choosing instead to constantly push myself towards the positive which ultimately means changes occur within my life all year long.  One of those, I am dedicating to the New Year and that is stated within the above picture.  I am committing myself to posting a new blog each and every Wednesday.  This may not seem like much of a challenge to many of you, but I posted in July of 2015, titled Worst Blogger Ever, because I recognized that consistently writing on the blog is difficult for me.  It is not that I don’t write, or have anything to say, it is simply taking the time to make it worthy for my readers.  I struggle with knowing that the content that I put out is intriguing enough to be shared.  

I made a personal choice this Holiday Season as I sat down and evaluated what changes I need to make within my personal and business life so that I truly can #BeInspiredToInspire.  I realized that I was finding myself in a rut.  I have been focused on the novel, turn screenplay, Brides Aweigh and in order not to distract myself from this unbelievable opportunity, I’ve stepped back from a lot of my free writing and I believe that this has unfortunately separated me from my blog.  However, that is not good for me, nor my followers.  It disconnects me not only from my readers but also from myself.  

Writing for me is my way of finding ME Time in the midst of being a Full Time Single Mother of 4 Beautifully Busy Boys.  I have adult conversations by sharing my blog with the world even if it is only for a few minutes a day and I owe it to myself to stay Dedicated and Consistent in order to Restore myself to remaining AutumnBrookeOnline.  I was inspired to start up this blog on the continued request of my mother.  She told me repeatedly that my life was full of enough fodder to maintain a blog and it wasn’t about the content as long as I was writing.  So, with that being said and by sharing this post, I am dedicating myself to all of you and me too.  I will trust that you will hold me accountable by checking in every Wednesday to see if I have indeed succeeded in Sharing My Words; Heart, Mind, & Soul with all of you.  Here is the First for this Weds of our New Year…….

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Carousel of Life

Published by Autumn Brooke on October 15, 2016

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Lately I have seen a lot of memes across various social media platforms that depict an individual tripping and falling, or sliding gainfully downhill reaching wildly at side lying branches to stop their fall or at least slow their descent.  These images come with the caption of “My Life” or “My Day” or even “How my Month is going.”  We see these on our friends posts and tend to Like, Comment, Share as we have been automated to do.  Today, I saw one and laughed, as I too, chose to re-share it in a private message thinking how much it related to the chaos of my life and knew my friend would understand the humor in the meme.  Then, I couldn’t get the image out of my head and the more I thought on it, the more I realized that I didn’t think it was funny and certainly wasn’t true.  I have blogged before about how crazy and chaotic my life can be and there are days, weeks, months that seem like I just may not be able to keep it altogether.  Like everyone else in the world we all have times that we slip and fall, sometimes far and fast and on those times we shouldn’t laugh, but be there to help our friends in need.  Maybe by simply asking “What can I do to make your day better?”  Our lives should not resemble a slippery slope but that of the carousel .  Everyday is full of ups and downs as the circle of life takes us round and round but we continue and if we stay focused we can make sure that we enjoy the ride.  The music, the lights, the laughter of those with which we share the adventure, these are the memories that we need to remember.  Stay True to Yourself, Be Kind to Others, and Never Give Up.

 

 

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Live in the Moment

Published by Autumn Brooke on May 22, 2016

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As most of you know, I am currently waiting……  waiting to be read, to be heard, to be accepted.  Submitting the book for publication or even agent representation is a waiting game, there is no way around it.  For every positive feedback, there is multiple rejections, presenting opportunity for self doubt and reflection.  It is easy to get caught up in missing life moments because I am focused on continually pushing to soar ahead.  What I am coming to realize is that maybe I am not always as focused as I am dwelling, twiddling my thumbs as I wait.  Resonant of waiting for the toast to pop,  or the pot to boil.

I did my part in sending my query and manuscript to available agents and publishing houses, but it doesn’t end there.  I have to keep talking, keep writing, and making connections because maybe my agent wasn’t on my email list.  Maybe I have to take that risk to put myself out there and make them take notice.

This is my approach to most of the rest of my life, why should it be any different when it comes to my writing?  If I am shy, or unsure of myself, then I lack the confidence to ever promote myself.  I need to learn to take a breath, let it go, and live in the moment.  I have been blessed with many opportunities and supportive friends to encourage me in this journey and I need to take back control.

I can’t focus on the rejection of yesterday, or the possibility of the rejection tomorrow but focus in the positive of Today.  The Sun is shining, the boys are happy, healthy, and fed, so it is a great day to add a few twists and turns to my path.  Always moving forward but maybe reaching out and making a few new contacts.  Try to think outside of the box, be unconventional.

This girl is hungry so I am going to shake the tree and stop waiting for the nuts to just fall.  Time to Knock on Doors, or Scream from the Mountain Tops.  If you know a publisher or agent, let me know……  if you want to scream with me, please feel free to Share any and all you find on the Blog Page or my Facebook Page @autumnbrookeonline.  Lets Make Some Noise!

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Mother’s are Human Too

Published by Autumn Brooke on April 22, 2016

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I have had these thoughts running through my head for a few days now and after a very vivid dream with my mother last night, I decided that it must be time for me to write it down.  I was debating on blogging because just the title mother and knowing that I am a single mom of four, makes me think no one is going to want to log in to read, imagining that this will be one more of those blogs where a mother is complaining about motherhood or bragging about her children.  I dread when those cross my path so let me begin by saying that is not my intention with this post.  I honestly don’t know how this will turn out by the end, but my blog serves to be the “words from heart, mind, and soul” so here are my thoughts.

I have been witnessing a lot of judgement surrounding mothers lately and I have been doing my best to not only stay clear of it but to not stand in judgement.  Practicing “Let those without sin cast the first stone.”  That is not to say that I am in support of some of the actions I have seen or heard rumored but as I wondered if some of the stories were true, I had to remind myself that I have had more then my fair share of “Bad Mommy” days.

We all know that being a mother is said to be the hardest, most thankless, yet most rewarding job.  Maybe that is true but I know that I do NOT feel that way when I am having a hard day.  I have wanted to send my children off or take my own self on an adult only vacation.  In these moments I know that we are not always the best parents to our children and feel that all to familiar “mother guilt” about our behavior later.

I guess what I am saying is that we all make mistakes, but once we realize them we need to seek forgiveness and challenge ourselves to do better.  For those that are on a path of redemption need not be judged but supported.  Their actions are not to be condoned, nor should we enable their behavior, hold them accountable by human morality and standards, but be prepared to cut off communication and association if they don’t find fault with in themselves.

It is our first job to protect our children and raise them to be productive members of society.  We do this by being the best ‘you’ that you can be, knowing that your being mirrored.  Let your life, your words inspire others to want to be like you.  Never quit striving to be better, just remember it is okay to falter, as long as you seek amends and do better next time.  Mother, Father, it doesn’t matter……. we are all only human.

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Loss & Gain

Published by Autumn Brooke on April 12, 2016

It has been a strange last few days for me.  So enlightening, in fact, that I have come to realize that it has been an odd last few years.  I’ve really come to think about all that I have lost and gained in the last few years as my marriage came to an end, my first home that I bought and built from the ground up was lost to me, as was my mother…. There are many more losses.  I only mention those because they are like a rite of passage as we grow up.  There are expectations placed upon us of “who” and “where” you are supposed to be by a certain age, and I followed all the rules, yet here I am, having met said goals, but losing them along the way.  It may not be so bad if people didn’t remind me all the time that I am not “getting any younger.”  Or my favorite is “you should be settled by now” like I intended to be in this position at this stage of my life.  I generally take most of it in stride, but there is always those few moments that slap us in the face that remind you that you are “FAILING” as an Adult.  Today that was TAX Day, I got to go in and file my taxes which have not been fun in the last few years, only to be reminded of where I should be, or where I was, or that maybe, next year, will be better.  Tax Preparers, People, who don’t know anything about you, but they are reading the intimate details of your financial well-being, meaning they probably know you better than some of your closest friends or family.  There is a look of judgement or sorrow as they gaze across the desk at you, hopefully doing their best to keep you from paying in on debts that never should have happened. 

It is on these days that the brave façade crumbles and maybe you cry into your wine or break down in tears as your head touches the pillow.  Or you could be me, just can’t sleep and decide to blog before the sun comes up, knowing that you have a full schedule to complete for the day and in two hours it will be time to start another day of doing the best you can.  Sometimes on these breaking days we are fortunate to have a friend to tell you that you are amazing and it will all get better.  To listen while you vent and understand that you just need someone to “hear” you.  Other times you vent only to be rebuked and judged for these “weak” moments. 

Life isn’t fair!  A statement I have heard, said, repeated a multitude of times.  I understand and respect it.  Which will bring me back to my first paragraph where I said I was evaluating my losses and my gains.  The losses hurt, I do cry like a little girl when I am overwhelmed.  I also am known to feel sorry for myself, need copious amounts of attention, and feel extremely sensitive.   This comes following a day that I am praised by a few, even my own son, the teenager, for being the strongest woman he knows, mentally and physically.  This is why I refer to loss and gain, a roller coaster of emotions in the last year especially.  As this may have been the most difficult time of my life, up to date, it has also held some of my highest moments.  Becoming a mother was amazing, but being a mother to a son that you can have a grown up conversation with and see the man you are raising, is even more amazing.  Knowing that after the onset of tears, stress, and struggle you rise up to solve the problem is a rush of gratitude and independence.  The pure joy of abandoned laughter unknown in previous years is such a blessing.  These are gains that I wouldn’t have experienced the same or as fully if it wasn’t for the pain of the losses. 

I am not unique, everyone has their own series of loss and gain, also causing their own joy and pain.  If we can come together in this and stop the judgement and condemnation we can support one another.  Maybe make that really hard day a little bit easier for someone.  I believe that most of us are doing are best, we may need some help now and again, even if just a word of encouragement.  They say “It takes a village to raise a child.”  I don’t think that stops when we are grown.  As we raise the children with the village, do we really ever stop raising ourselves?  Age is a number, I am still growing and learning every day.  I make mistakes, I may act like a child at times, but I get stronger and smarter along the way. 

 

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Let your voice be heard….

Published by Autumn Brooke on March 2, 2016

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I definitely identify with this quote.  I believe it is typically the source of my “writers block.”  I can be on a roll and writing to my hearts desire when I take a break and the doubt sets in.  The “No one wants to read this” is certainly one that hits me on a daily basis, it is quickly followed by the “What makes you think that you are good enough to be a writer.”  It takes some serious soul searching and strict pep talk to get me back on task.  One of the reasons I actually have this Blog is so that I am forced to share my writing with the world.  I have to fight through my denial and understand that I won’t please everyone, and certainly can’t expect that all will be a fan or even enjoy my writing.  I have been fortunate that I have not ran in to too many critiques or negative criticism, but my blog is in no way inundated with hundreds of followers.  As my tagline reads, I write words from my heart, mind, and soul – for me this essentially means that what you read is what I am feeling at the moment.  This is not always personally related.  More often, then not it is simply because I read about a topic or know someone else that may be able to benefit from my words and I hope to reach more then one.  I understand that my blog posts are not written for the masses but for those that support me personally or the few that do enjoy my writing, or even my point of view.

I have a goal, and that goal is to be formally published.  I long to write that ‘Great American Novel’ but because I live in the “real world,” I will settle for a publisher, agent, and to have people read my book.   I stand firm in the belief that even the unlikely is possible.  I will always believe that those that follow their dreams are braver than most.  So, how do I relate a writing post to those few that bother to read my blog, I think that we all have that inner voice.  That doubtful inner voice that makes us doubt ourselves forcing us to give up on our dreams.  Don’t let that happen to you!  You can do whatever you set your mind to do, and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.  We all have a story to tell, I will support you as you  tell yours, whatever it may be.  Everyone has a purpose and only you know what your purpose is in this world.

#standstrong, #livelikeyoumeanit, #beinspiredtoinspire, #letyourvoicebeheard

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Illusional Perspective

Published by Autumn Brooke on February 12, 2016

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We interpret the world between shadow and color, an imperfect view of the world based on past experience, proven true only by the illusion of art.  When we view an image we tend to lose the reality of the picture, because our previous experience has taught us that what we see is false.  However, that viewpoint is mistaken; our brain makes assumptions based on features of our previous environment.  If we mentally over compensate for illusions our eyes see, then what are the options for our future?  Our perspective is so skewed that we start to determine within ourselves a non-existent reality. Essentially, we have not only created a non-reality, but we are tormented by invisible drama that is based upon irrational compensation.  We are a product of our environment.  We determine our path of destination.  Our mental mindset and vision of peace is our own.  So, go and make your own happiness; the viewpoint is all within your own perspective. 

Make it Your’s!

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Autumn Leaves

Published by Autumn Brooke on October 17, 2015

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Autumn; a season that defines the term Beauty in Chaos.  The world becomes awash with warm colors of yellow gold, burnt orange, warm reds that entrance its inhabitants.  The air is crisp with a scent that can only can be described as that of Autumn.  A breeze blows the leaves gently as they fall covering the ground in a myriad of colors, softening the footsteps that tread down the path drawn toward the light that gleams through the trees.

I am unable to see an Autumn picture without imagining that path through the trees leading to a brook, a creek of running water, leaves floating in the current, ripples heard as the water falls over the smooth stones.  Why must there be a brook in my scene?  Because it is my name, Autumn Brooke, the true personification of chaotic beauty.  I have spent my life in wonder if I mirror the season for which I was named, or does the season of Autumn itself; define me?

When I was first born my mother wrote a poem called Autumn Leaves.  It begins with a description of the season, similar to that above.  The second paragraph is a description of the word Autumn, hair of yellow gold, a smile bright like the sun, bubbling laughter carried in the wind this is now what Autumn means to her.  I was worthy of being named after a season, my mother’s beautiful description gave me a measure that I spent years believing that I needed to live up to until I began to create opinions of my own and Autumn didn’t hold the same beauty to me.

What I saw was death, destruction, and bitter cold, sadness amongst the trees as the once beautiful leaves lost their color and dropped as they died.  The grass became brown and brittle, the flowers withered and died.  Eventually I grew brave enough to share my opinion with my mother and how I didn’t see the beauty that she saw in my name.  It was then that she changed my view not just on my name, or the season, but my entire way of life.

Autumn wasn’t a season of death but of that leading to a rebirth.  Every year the trees grew new leaves and flowers would bloom, the earth alive with the new and as the months passed and Autumn approached the world was once again a washed with bold, bright, colors before the leaves fell to make way for new.  A chance to live each season to its fullest knowing that the slate would be wiped clean and we could start anew.

What a glorious way to view life, knowing that nothing was permanent and there was always room for change.  I had to reevaluate what that meant for me, as I had always tried to be the beauty that my mother envisioned, but I saw Autumn as death but also rebirth, such confusion, disarray, and chaos in that thought.  That was until I combined her viewpoint with mine and became beautiful chaos.  It is a perfect description of the season of Autumn, and in such the personification of myself, Autumn Brooke.  Constantly changing, allowing the seasons of life to be lived to the fullest but embracing the imperfections, because there is beauty in all that we encompass through ourselves and that around us.

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