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Tag: #love

2020 Seniors

Published by Autumn Brooke on March 17, 2020

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This world of ours is in such a crazy place right now that it is hard to plan not just for tomorrow, but even for several hours from now. That is how rapidly things are changing. I think about how I was overwhelmed with how much there was to do and schedule for my family of 7 that I had a huge wall calendar with all our events, plus my purse calendar. This doesn’t count the tasking app on my phone, or the list stuck to the fridge because we have a Senior that had 3 months of deadlines and activities given to us by the school.

He is my firstborn, I have been dreading this time of our life as much as I have been looking forward to it. My baby will graduate High School, the final stepping stone to adulthood.  He has earned it, more then deserves all the fun and excitement that these last few weeks would entail. However, that is not to be the case, as one dance has been canceled, most likely Senior Prom too, and the possibility of not walking for a graduation ceremony.  These activities are rites of passage, I have been talking with him about them since kindergarten. My heart breaks not only for him and all Seniors but for us parents as well. We Did It! We made it this far and deserve to see our babies enjoy these final days of their childhood.

For some, it will be the last time they may ever see their friends as most are headed off to different colleges, vocational schools, or even jobs. School had become a joyous place with special events, breakfasts, award assemblies, activities designed specifically for the Senior class. What happens to the yearbooks, the dated announcements already ordered, for a few around the world Prom was already canceled with clothes never worn. That first dance with a long-time crush never experienced.

I don’t understand, nor do I know how long all of this might last, but I do know that this generation of Seniors is different than my Senior Class. We did not have access to technology and understanding that makes all of you a different breed. A group of adults that will be able to not only fix what we have lost but make it better. We will need you as if you have needed us. I believe in you and our future knowing that you will be the generation of reform and rebuilding.

Class of 2020, you are not forgotten and our heart breaks with you, but at the end of all this chaos, you will be the ones that make the biggest impact!

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Selfie Syndrome

Published by Autumn Brooke on June 23, 2018

Remember these…..  this app was popular for a month as it would take your picture and convert your face into that of a Cover Model. Several of my friends and family used it to share what they “Could” look like, some even made it their social media profile pic for a while. I was curious and played around with it too, but didn’t post any of these. Yesterday was #NationalSelfieDay and I did take a selfie to post on my facebook page in order to make a point for today’s blog.

When I took the above images, I kept them because I had a thought about how focused many of us have become with our image. A desire to appear more than what we are in our physical appearance. I know that I am guilty of it, as proven in my selfie post yesterday. I took atleast half a dozen photos with different angles and lighting so that I would look more attractive. I did not use any filters such as IG, snapchat, or an editing tool, but I didn’t need to because there is a selfie softening filter automatically. I was actually unaware of this until it occurred to me that I always looked better when taking a selfie then if someone took a picture of me for an event.

The pictures in the app used above don’t make me feel more beautiful, they actually cause my self image to feel lower because I fear that I should be doing something different in order to achieve model status. I should learn better make up techniques, drink more water, have more facials…. maybe even think of using injections or sculpting.  This is not who I want to be or what I would want to promote to anyone who may look up to me. I do not ever want to be so vain that I would be willing to undergo a knife just to be “Socially Acceptable” in today’s day and age. To fit what the world as decided a middle aged women should look like.

I don’t let the world choose how I should live. I tend to lean towards the conservative, I am stricter than most in how I raise my children, I hold high morals and values that are certainly not popular in society, so why do I worry so much in how my physical appearance may be rated?

I guess in writing this, I realize that I don’t have an answer or solution so much, as it is just my observation. However, with realization, I can and will make an effort to change my thought process so that I may live easier. Be carefree enough to not avoid the camera, although I tend to be the one in the pictures with the closed eyes, or laughing too big. I want my children to know that it is okay to be themselves and not strive to be what only “some” consider perfect. I will still take Selfies, but I hope that now I may be happy with that First shot and not need to Filter every photo.

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and I know that I am made in “His Image” and in knowing that….  I know that I am Beautiful just being Me, and so are you!

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Rain Cloud

Published by Autumn Brooke on March 30, 2018

The kids are gone this week for Spring Break and I had a list a mile long that I planned to accomplish not needing to be on their time. As any parent can relate kids not only come with a lot of responsibilities but with a massive schedule. With them away, I was not bound to a routine and planned to put in the work; after I took one day to myself to fully relax in the silence, besides, Sunday is Rest Day. Tomorrow is the last day of the week and I have only managed to cross two items off my list. I woke up this morning chastising myself for my lack of commitment, but I don’t feel a sense of failure, more like the whole week passed me by in a daze. I sort of floated through each day barely eating more than one meal and spending a lot of time in reflection. I have been forced to admit that it is grief and sorrow that haunts me. I knew that I was sad, but I never expected the loss of a pet to be so traumatic.

On the 15th of March we lost our family dog, Cali, after ten years. We spent a lot of time deciding on the “right” dog for our family and she was a perfect fit; calm with the boys when they were small and protective too. About four years ago I knew that she was not getting the activity and attention she needed in our home. Those before mentioned schedules took too much of our time, so we made the difficult decision to have her live with the Grandparents. Although not ideal, she now had another dog to play with and we were still able to visit with her. It never ceased to amaze me how Cali never forgot us, always greeting us with joy and excitement. It was extremely hard to hear that she was losing her fight and passed a few days later.

The reality of losing Cali only brought home the fact that we would soon be losing Rain, our cat of eighteen years. We had expected that he would pass a few times over the years. He was slow to move, losing weight, hearing and sight were also diminishing, but he would rally and prove us all wrong. Chasing birds outside, play fighting with the other house-cats, and demanding of food. However, Rain did start spending more time sleeping in isolation and I told the kids to say their goodbyes before they left for the week. On Monday, the 26th, I was forced to call the kids to give their last words of love, as I held Rain while he took his final breath.

We have lost pets before, which is why I never imagined that this would be as painful but having Rain before I even had children has made it different. His presence is noticeably missing in the house. I have even caught myself looking for him when I feed the other cats or when closing up at night, making sure he isn’t left outside. He was there to purr and settle my spirit when writers block would take over. I depended on him in a way I never realized until he was no longer here. I have heard many refer to their pets as fur babies and I understand that concept better now, but for me, Rain was more of a best friend and confidant, we really grew up together, raised the kids together.

I haven’t yet shed tears over this loss, even without the children here, I am so use to being strong for them that I push all my feelings over a situation away. I am sure that is not healthy, or the “right” way to process emotions, but that is what this post is essentially for. There is no right or wrong way in how people deal with tragic events, I didn’t even bother to share my pet’s passing on facebook, until I decided that it really is words of heart, mind, and soul. I admit that I am deeply hurt and expect that I will be crying right alongside my kids when we put Rain to rest. We have had kitten burials, a dramatic fish funeral, I think there was even one for an ant farm, but this will be one that stays with all of us. A pet that will never be forgotten, a real member of our family. We love you Rain!

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First Day of Spring

Published by Autumn Brooke on March 21, 2018

I have not written a blog in quite a while so it seems fitting that I would choose to write today, the first day of Spring.  I have a few times that I wrote about the rain, or even my own name in relation to the season itself, but Spring is my favorite time of the year. There is something so refreshing about the way that the earth has its own rebirth, making all seem fresh and new. We feel it so much as individuals, that we too, have a Spring Cleaning ritual, the talk of Summer coming and needing to renew our gym association for those upcoming bathing suit days. Be it our homes, our bodies, or our lives, the world takes on the importance of washing away the old and preparing for the new. This is important for all of us, although I don’t know that we always realize it. We take part in it for New Year Resolutions but many find those cliche, I admit that I don’t make New Years resolutions but we all unknowingly participate in the beginning of Spring.

For many it may be unintentional but we all need a chance to change or reevaluate what didn’t work the past year and start anew. The changing of the season with all its new growth helps us to do that, although many unfortunately don’t take notice of their surroundings. The beauty in our every day life that truly makes us who we are, but with such undeserved recognition. I need to spend moments outside everyday, I thrive off the sights and smell of nature. I make sure that my children spend at least 30-60 minutes outside each day, longer when the weather is warmer. I hope that they will grow to love it as I do and share the inspiration with those around them.

Today I woke to the sound of rain and although I love the rain, I was initially saddened. It seems that winter is lasting a little longer this year and I miss my warm, sunny days.  Taking a moment to enjoy the freshly washed black top and listen to the droplets fall from the leaves of the tree, I could see the buds on the branches that need the water to bloom; to look like the tree across the street with the many white blossoms glistening like snowflakes against the deep blue in the sky. Next to it was the tree that I swear looked bare yesterday but now was a radiant green with new leaves adorning its stems. My grass was deeper, the soil darker for the flowers I know are to come in the next few weeks.

We have the benefit of spending each day living in an ever changing painting of life and we too, as people need to remember that our own lives are not singular but part of a constant fluidity that makes the world go round. Don’t let any moment of the beauty of the world, others or yourself pass you by.  Spring is just the beginning!

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All’s Not Lost

Published by Autumn Brooke on January 26, 2018

The rain falling across the window pane matched the tears in her heart. She refused to actually cry and let teardrops fall from her eyes, but she felt them all the same. The harsh cruel words repeating over and over, it was impossible to erase them from her mind. It was painful but she needed to grieve for what was and what could have been and then let it go. It wasn’t easy, but nothing worth achieving ever is, or so they say. This wasn’t the first time and it wouldn’t be the last but she refused to go down this dark road again, it wasn’t healthy. She almost didn’t make it back the last time. Shaking her head to try to clear the negativity she forced herself to get up. A silent scream of “Just Move” took over her being. Go for a walk in the rain, meet the kids at the bus stop, knock on the neighbor’s door and see if she would like some coffee. Do something, anything, she begged herself but it was of no use. She watched herself sit there staring as the rain washed down the glass. It was as if she was trapped inside her own body, the feelings of hurt, guilt, worthlessness weighing her down in a bed of nothingness. She was trying so hard to free herself from the mental chains but they were too heavy.  Her children came home from school, excitedly talking about the events of the day and she acknowledged them with vacant eyes.  She eventually did move, but more as a robot, following the routine of making dinner for her family, greeting her husband, allowing herself to become lost within her own mind. As the days passed the silent scream for help grew dim as those closest to her were unaware that she was trapped in a mental prison. Retreating behind a wall of fake smiles, empty hugs, and meaningless words became normal, as did the tears flooding her heart. 

Maybe some of you can relate to this story from personal experience or you recognize some of the signs in a friend or family member.  Depression is a serious mental health issue that can lead to suicide in 1 out of 10 people.  It is often not recognized by many as the person doesn’t appear sick and may even seem social to most, however, that isn’t always the case day by day or hour by hour. Depression doesn’t discriminate by race, gender, or age but you can make a difference. Be actively involved if you suspect that someone might be struggling and find them help before it’s too late. Be kind, gentle, and supportive because what they feel is very real and your words or your presence may be all they need at that moment.

“You can #BeThe1 To help someone in crisis. You don’t have to be a mental health professional to help someone in your life that may be struggling. Learn the Lifeline’s 5 steps that you can use to help a loved one that may be in crisis.” http://www.bethe1to.com

“The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline is a national network of local crisis centers that provides free and confidential emotional support to people in suicidal crisis or emotional distress 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. We’re committed to improving crisis services and advancing suicide prevention by empowering individuals, advancing professional best practices, and building awareness.”  https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org  or Call 1-800-273-8255

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Our Truest Life

Published by Autumn Brooke on December 27, 2017

“Our truest life is when we are in dreams… Awake.”

I heard this quote by Henry David Thoreau just the other day and couldn’t help but ponder on how brilliant a statement it was and wonder why we, society, fail to realize how truly “good” life really is.  We are headed into the New Year of 2018, so like most I am reflective as well as focused on the future.  I would like to say that this year has been unusual for me, but I tend to live my life on the road less traveled; however, I can admit that this was an unexpected Christmas.  I was not focused on the holiday because my boys were going to be with their father this year, until 3 days before Christmas and plans changed.  I was rushing around like a crazy lady, trying to create Christmas Magic in our home to give a memory to remember.  What I failed to realize was that I was so focused on the commercial aspect that I didn’t stop to give real meaning to the day.  Please don’t misunderstand, I only gave the boys two gifts each and the continual reminder of why we celebrate Christmas, but as a mother, in not planning on them being here with me, I felt stressed and uneasy on not being prepared.  (It’s a Mommy thing) Christmas came and went, the boys seemed to be grateful and happy.

The feelings for me have carried over as we prepare to celebrate the upcoming New Year.   Always a difficult time of the year because my cousin, Sarah, passed on that witching hour, what I have come to realize was 5 years ago.  She holds a special place in my heart as my first girl cousin, and we had recently began to reconnect as I made plans to move back to Fresno that same year.  She was too young, too beautiful, and her children are only raised by the great memories we share so that they may know and remember their mother.  Then I think on my mother that passed a short year later and how I was blessed with having her for my entire childhood.  This weighs heavy on my heart and then I read through social media to find friends suffering the same burdens.  Many are grieving for past loved ones, some fresh and new.  The hands of time do not stop for the holidays, life is an unexpected blessing and we need to cherish it as such.

This brings me back to the quote.  Our Truest Life…. I love that word True.  What is it that makes or gives you, your truest life?  For me it would be Love.  I fail in so many ways every day, but as long as I can put my sons to bed knowing that they feel secure in my love, then I feel accomplished.  Certainly, I want to provide more for them; to Live our Dream, Awake, but until that day, I need to learn to Cherish Every Moment.  To quit focusing on the details, to see that every minute I spend stressing the small stuff, they are growing older and days are passing me by.

With this New Year, I want to make a Resolution or an Affirmation, that I will See the Bigger Picture, Focus on the Dream, but take Time in the Moments!  If I only live for a brighter future, I may miss the journey it took to get there and that is really where the greatness lies.  For these boys, I am their world and for some reason, I never understood what a true blessing that is….. I always felt that this responsibility was often an overwhelming burden more then blessing.  Some may read that and find me callous and shallow, but I also know that there are plenty of mothers for which that statement will ring true.

For 2018, I challenge each of us to take on our burdens and bare them as blessings.  To achieve our dreams wide awake, so that each day may be joy unto itself.  Take pleasure in all things, big or small, positive or negative…..  because in this life the only thing certain is the uncertainty of each day.  It can always be better or it can always be worse…. Essentially it is what you make it, so make it the best it can be!

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Gift of Life

Published by Autumn Brooke on October 3, 2017

In the last few weeks we have been suffering with multiple tragedies as a Nation, many disastrous events in our own Country.  For some of you these were literally in your own backyard, or like me, you had loved ones that were affected or involved so it hits closer to home.  I had friends trapped by the flooding in Texas during Hurricane Harvey, and family in Florida forced to endure days without power during Hurricane Irma.  My Aunt and Uncle were among the mass of people at the Route 91 concert in Las Vegas, fortunate to escape.  I am grateful that everyone I know personally is safe by all accounts in all these situations; however there are many victims and families of victim’s still enduring loss, fear, pain.  Scrolling through social media the posts were at first full of shock and wonder at how the world could be so evil, but quickly escalated to an uprising in anger, judgment and condemnation.  Close friends are literally posting hateful posts with words like “Delete Me, If you don’t like my Opinion” and/or the equivocal “Our opinions differ; I am right so you must be wrong!”  Or a few have gone on a rant, spewing expletives and casting blame, all which is unnecessary.  Instead of coming together as a people, we divide, taking sides in a controversy that will never be won.  Political Agendas, Conspiracy Theories, Protests for Social Injustice, and a fight for Amendment Rights has caused such a rift amongst friends, brothers, co-workers, that  we are literally creating the groundwork for another civil war.  The animosity tears at my soul so that I actively seek out the good to balance myself, to restore my hope in humanity.  Let the benevolence of the helpers, professional or community driven, outweigh the disheartened.  Take comfort in the patience of those that stood in line for hours to donate blood for the victims. Literally giving the Gift of Life, because when it comes right down to it, WE ALL BLEED THE SAME BLOOD!  When donating or receiving there is no box to check for race, ethnicity, nationality, or political affiliation.  We are simply a Blood Type and all humans share that common factor.  Our world is built on diversity and inclusion, meaning differences and embracement; it is why we are proud to be Americans. Yes, there are race relations and social justices, all deserving of their own discussion, but for now, let’s learn how to embrace our diversion with dignity.  In the wake of the horrific events that are still unfolding, let us be kind to one another.  Mr. Rogers says it best, “It’s very dramatic when two people come together to work something out. It’s easy to take a gun and annihilate your opposition, but what is really exciting to me is to see people with differing views come together and finally respect each other.”

― Fred Rogers, The World According to Mister Rogers: Important Things to Remember

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Leader of Your Own Life

Published by Autumn Brooke on June 10, 2017

“If your actions inspire others to dream more, learn more, do more and become more – You are a Leader.”   –John Quincy Adams

This quote by our 6th President of the United States is my entire blog in one sentence. It really is that simple when you realize that we lead by example so be the kind of leader that you would follow.  One that inspires you to find your inner greatness and encourages you to think outside the box, to test the limits.

A true leader is not there to create more followers but to create more leaders. Empower those around you, essentially empowering yourself to be the leader of your own life. It is a give and take relationship, about communication and collaboration. Leadership is about serving others to the point where they want to follow you.

If you think that you are leading but turn around to see that no one is behind you, then you are just taking a walk. Most likely have taken a detour in your own life and need to stop and regroup. Leading is synonymous with Learning, they go hand in hand and we learn from those that surround us. It is essential to have a team that will inspire and motivate you as you Lead the way, not because you are stronger or greater, but because you have more ambition and drive.

The Strongest people are those who use life’s difficulties to become Better not Bitter. It only takes one person to make a change that leads to a chain reaction of others willing to make a difference. Be a Leader to Inspire, Educate, and Change the Generation, essentially changing the World for the Better.

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Something About May…..

Published by Autumn Brooke on May 4, 2017

“We know what we are, but know not what we may be.”  

(William Shakespeare)

 I think that Shakespeare understood a better part of himself then most of us…… wise enough to realize that we may finally understand our inner beings but aware that the future is never fully known.  I am just now learning to embrace this fact in my life.  If you follow my personal page on Facebook then you may have seen that I am focusing on renewing the better part of myself.   Started out simple – back to those early morning Gym workouts, watching what I eat and drink, being that Summer is just around the corner.  However, I then had to take a deeper introspective look into the other areas of my life and realized that I am Happy with the Me that I Am today.  Of course, no one is perfect and there is always room for improvement, but what was it that I really wanted to change……?    I know that there is still so much more that I need and want to do which means … Focus, Clarity, Productivity!

There is just something about May; One of my favorite months, the rebirth of the earth as we bring in Spring.  Like that old nursery rhyme…. “April Showers Bring May Flowers” I want to shower my life with colorful flowers and the best way that I know to do that is to dedicate myself to the month of May.  It is vitally important to me that I am an example of accomplishing the seemingly impossible to my boys and within that I strive to #BeInspiredtoInspire and what better way to do that then to see the beauty within myself and all areas of my life.  I believe in the #LawofAttraction so I will continue to focus on all that is good and pure in the world.  

It is not about yesterday or tomorrow but today….. the time is now and you are in control of all that you desire.  New Month. New Beginning. New Mindset.  New Focus. New Start.  New Intentions. New Results.  May we all represent this month with a show of our personal growth as we spring into action!  Happy May Day!

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Adulting

Published by Autumn Brooke on March 9, 2017

TOP DEFINITION: URBAN DICTIONARY
Adulting
Adulting (v): to do grown up things and hold responsibilities such as, a 9-5 job, a mortgage/rent, a car payment, or anything else that makes one think of grown ups.
Used in a sentence: Jane is adulting quite well today as she is on time for work promptly at 8am and appears well groomed.
#adulting #responsible #responsibilities #bills #grown up
… And this would be why there are so many different meme’s with quotes of “I can’t Adult today,” “Adulting is Hard, Send Wine,” the positive meme to motivate “Adulting like a Boss,” and my personal favorite, “I’m Done Adulting, Let’s be Mermaids,” plus 100’s more.  Which I find ironic being that “Adulting” is not even a recognized word, grammatically unless you are a millennial and upon research is yet to even be established as a noun or a verb.
However, I relate to the context and like the term, so this is the theme for my blog of the week.  I could write for days about the responsibilities of being an Adult, or Parent, or a Single Parent  but we ‘already know’ so no reason to go there.  I am, instead, going to go a little bit deeper and talk about those times when you have to make a Choice; the really Big Kind, like Life Altering Kind!  The worst part about it is, since you are the adult, the parent, your ‘choice’ now affects all of those within your circle.
I have basically grown up in the military or with enough family support around me that My decisions were still Never really My Own.  I am now in a position in my life where I actually Am the Adult.  This means that what I choose is ‘Make or Break,.’ If my choice is wrong, it is ultimately up to me to Fix it.  Obviously as  a single mother of 4, we have had some big decisions along the way…..  I am just now being presented with one of those “once in a lifetime” kinda options.  I can follow my dream and jump in with both feet and hope that I catch the wave or at least swim in the current, knowing that there is no life boat in sight.  Or I tread, barely keeping my head above water…… waiting for another life preserver that may never come.
The Motherly part of me says to stay put, where I am familiar and safe, but the Adult side says that if I stay put, never to follow my destiny, I am already treading water and I have to agree…….. it goes fully against my nature to not follow my instincts.  I am a great mother, and I can say this with humility because my son’s are amazing, each in their own right but it is because of them that I know I can trust myself to do what is right and not second guess my decisions.
Adulting is difficult, more so, when you are responsible for more than yourself, but trust your heart, your dream, your destiny and don’t let go of your chance to make it.
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